Estrangements

Altruism as an antidote to what ails us: Cami Walker's solution

Outside of what I wrote in my Guidelines for how to cope with being estranged I don't have any great answers on what to do about estrangements. But sometimes I see something written that rings a bell for me about things that have helped me. I saw an article like that the other day in the New York Times online.

Something that has helped me is to get involved in helping other people. In fact I do that a lot. Sometimes I do it so much that I don't have time to get other things done. So be warned! But it is a great way to get your brain going in a different direction and removing all the worries and preoccupations about things you can do nothing about. Also, you will make new friends and develop a whole new set of things to do that you never thought of doing before!

The article that I found was along the lines of curing what ails you by taking your viewpoint off of yourself and directing it outward towards the world. The article is about what one woman did and learned after she was told that she had multiple sclerosis. I think that the words "multiple sclerosis" would be mighty scary words to hear!

This is what Cami Walker did: In Month of Giving, a Healthy Reward by Tara Parker-Pope, Nov. 30, 2009.

That link is my gift to you today. Use it well!

Wishing everyone a peaceful holiday season,

Ginny

Additional survey questions

At the end of May I posted a link to a survey on the topic of Family Estrangement. Some additional questions have been added to the survey in order to gather information on patterns of estrangement in families. If you have answered the questions in the original survey, it would be appreciated if you would answer the questions linked below.

Thank you on behalf of my friend!

Additional questions for Estrangement Survey

A Survey on Family Estrangement

My friend who is working on a documentary about Family Estrangements has prepared two surveys on the topic. She asks both parents estranged from their children and children estranged from their parents to respond to the survey. Here is what she says:

"Finally.. surveys are ready.
There is a survey for Parents that are Estranged from their Adult Children and there is a a survey for Adult Children. I urge all of you to take the time to answer honestly! If there are ever going to be answers or help for this issue, we need everyone's participation! Thank you in advance for your time!"

She also says, "Please know that this is totally confidential!!!!!
I am hopeful that everyone will take the time to answer these questions. The results will be used to continue to try to get the attention of therapists and the psychology community that this is a real problem that really exists.
The only way this will make a difference is to have your participation .... adult children as well as parents."

Click here to take the Parents Estranged from Adult Children survey now.

Click here to take the Adult Children Estranged from Parents survey now.

A small piece of the past revisited

It's been a long time since I wrote a post that talked about estrangement. It is almost a year since the dialogue begun on May 12, 2008 that I had with my estranged daughter in the comment section of a post on here. One point of contention for her was whether I would mention certain things or not in my blog. I would not agree to what she wanted from me but I knew it was a sensitive point so in my own heart and mind I had decided not to write about those issues unless I had a good reason to do so. Since May of 2008 I have not mentioned those issues here.

Estranged Stories ~ a new support group on Ning.

There is a new online site for sharing stories of family estrangement. It is a Ning group. The link to it is here:
Estranged Stories

Family Estrangement inspired by online philosopher

I found a startling news article online today about family estrangements that were influenced and/or inspired by the writings and podcasts of a man, Stefan Molyneux, who considers himself to be a philosopher. He has been blamed for a number of family estrangements initiated by followers of his writings and podcasts. He makes some money from subscriptions to his podcasts, from sales of his books, and from donations. His wife is reported to be expecting their first child. One wonders how that will work out in the long run, whether he will continue to vilify parents or what he might do once he becomes a parent himself.
This is the first that I had heard of him. Apparently there is a lot of information on the internet about him.
I looked around on the web and put together a collection of links on Molyneux:

1. "How a cyberphilosopher convinced followers to cut off family" by Tu Thanh Ha, Dec. 12, 2008 in the globeandmail.com
2. Comments in response to "How a cyberphilosopher convinced followers to cut off family"
3. Family and Friends of FDR-ers on Liberating Minds
4. FDR Liberated: A continuing analysis of the FreeDomainRadio Community
5. Liberating Minds Forum Discussion of FreeDomainRadio on the LiberatingMinds website.
6. FreeDomainRadio, Stefan Molyneux's site
7. FreeDomain: The Logic of Personal and Political Freedom - The FreeDomain blog
8. 'Website Led Teen to Quit Family' by Robin Powell, Sky News Online, Dec. 29, 2008
9. "A fearful mother reveals: the internet cult that stole my son" Dec. 12, 2008 by Kate Hilpern, The Daily Mail

Update Dec. 31: Stefan Molyneux and his wife are the happy parents of a baby girl with whom they are besotted. This stands in stark contrast to the grief of parents whose children have "deFOOed". DeFOO is a term meaning that they have left their familys of origin (their FOO). FOO and deFOO are terms used frequently in discussions on the Freedomainradio website.

Molyneux has uploaded 297 YouTube videos as of today's date. His latest video has had 211 views in the five hours since it was posted. His YouTube name is stefbot. On his Freedomainradio site it appears that he has over 1,000 podcasts. The numbers for the podcasts go over 1,000. I haven't checked to see if that means that there really are over 1,000 podcasts.

More links about FreeDomainRadio and Molyneux:

1. Like a moth to a flame, Nov. 18, 2008
   
2. I have been signed out from Free Domain Radio, Nov. 17, 2008
3. FDR at Sky News - video and print coverage, Dec. 30, 2008
4. My brief experience with Stefan (in four parts), Dec. 28, 2008 (The experience of someone who calls himself Dash. Scroll down in the page to where Part 1 begins.)

Article on AARP: "The Estrangement" by Jamaica Kincaid

"The Estrangement" by Jamaica Kincaid, May/June 2008
An article on a mother/daughter estrangement that was not resolved and for which the author has no regrets.
From the first paragraph:

"Three years before my mother died, I decided not to speak to her again. And why? During a conversation over the telephone, she had once again let me know that my accomplishments—becoming a responsible and independent woman—did not amount to very much, . . . "

As the link is an AARP link, after several months or perhaps a year, the link probably will end up going nowhere but it should be good for a while.

Q&A on Writing and Coping with Estrangement & the Holidays

A reader asked me a question recently. She asked if I had any tips for dealing with the holidays. Another reader asked if I had stopped writing on my blog. I've been thinking about the answers to both of these questions.

What can you change?

You cannot change the cards you are dealt. Just how you play the hand.
                                                     Randy Pausch 1961- July 25, 2008

Randy Pausch - Life Teacher

Proof that you are not alone. Part II

On October 7, 2007 I wrote a post titled "Proof that you are not alone" and then provided data about visitors to my website, Estrangements.com, and the Estrangements blog. Let's see what has been going on since then.