Articles Feed

"Done with the Crying" Author Sheri McGregor Estrangements Article

October 27, 2017 article: "Estrangement Doesn't Just Happen to "Bad" Moms — It Happened to Me Too" on Goodhousekeeping.com by Sheri McGregor, author of Done with the Crying.

Sheri has a website on the subject of family estrangement: RejectedParents.net and a Facebook Page on estrangement.

The description of her Facebook Page, "Help and Healing for Parents of Estranged Adult Children":

"Support and information resource. Parents of estranged adult children may feel isolated and embarrassed, yet there are many of us. Let's help each other."


Old Articles on Estrangement in a New Place: "Articles"

Articles

This collection of articles was originally included on a page of Estrangements.com which is being updated. As I add articles to this blog rather than to the Estrangements website, it makes sense to me to create a new Category here and call it "Articles" so that all articles will appear in the same place. As time goes on, links to articles that I post here may need updating or may disappear. But at least they will be organized in one place , "Articles", accessible from the word cloud in the side bar. The articles below are ones that I found years ago. I have checked other older posts on the blog to find more posts to tag for this category but did not tag posts made before 2008 as there would be too many dead links. The older the posts, the more dead links.

  1. Cults, Estrangements, and Gaming. Jan. 8, 2002. An article, Cults by Bryan Jonker, and below the article are some links about cults. There is some interesting discussion on cults and how they work. I am not clear on how this relates to gaming (and realize that gaming is not the interest of most who are interested in these links) but thought the discussion sounded good enough to include the link here.
  2. Truth and Reconciliation by Julia Gracen. May 22, 2002. Article about Laura Davis's book, I Thought We'd Never Speak Again which is referenced on the Books page.
  3. Mark Sichel's Psybersquares site. Articles on family estrangements
  4. Before the Sun goes Down, A Christian Biblical perspective: "Estrangements between friends should not be permitted to continue over night. It is a scriptural counsel that we should not let the sun go down upon our wrath."
  5. I want vengeance on my narcissistic mother: She didn't pull the trigger, but I blame her for my brother's suicide. On Salon.com. A question posted on an advice column, October 6, 2005, by Cary Tennis on Salon.com. You may need to watch a brief advertisement to read the article unless you are registered already on Salon.com.
  6. The Power of Forgiveness by Naomi Drew M.A.
  7. Forgiveness: The Mandela Principle by Rev. Victor H. Carpenter.
  8. Learning to Forgive For Good. The website of Fred Luskin.
  9. Letting Go of Our Adult Children by Arlene F. Harder, M.A., M.F.T.
  10. It’s Never Too Late To Have A Good Relationship With Your Grown Children (Your Parents or Your Ex-Spouse, Too) by Suzanne E. Harrill
  11. A Gift for My Daughter by Harry Browne
  12. Borderline Rage, an article by Anthony Walker, M.D.
  13. Grandparents' Rights Article An article on guidelines for grandparents who want visitation rights.

University of Cambridge Study on Family Estrangement in Adulthood

Hidden Voices, University of Cambridge Study on Family Estrangement in Adulthood

by Lucy Blake in collaboration with Becca Bland, Chief Executive of Stand Alone and Professor Susan Golombok, Director of the Center for Family Research at the University of Cambridge.


Huffington Post Articles on Estrangement

After writing the previous post I went back and read Katie Naum's post on Mother's Day Cards again. Noticing the subject tags listed with the post, I clicked one of them, the "Estrangement" one. That brought up a list of posts on the subject, including two written in 2014 by Katie Naum that gave some background to her estrangement from her mother. Which explains a lot about her post on Mother's Day Cards.

I understand more now. In fact, under the circumstances that she describes, perhaps she was too kind. I don't know. But I still would want to suggest thinking of her Card suggestions as if they were written by a mother rather than a daughter. Because I look for opportunities to think of situations in different ways. That was what I tried to do previously in talking about the baggage that we all carry and how wrong we can be sometimes.

Here are the links to Katie Naum's posts written in 2014 about her decision to estrange her mother:

Motherless by Choice by Katie Naum, writer, blogger, memoirist. June 2, 2014 (plus a video below the text of the article)

Why Did This Happen? Estranging Myself From My Mother by Katie Naum, writer, blogger, memoirist. June 30, 2014 on Huffington Post.

The following link is a search link that brings up posts on Huffington Post, including those linked above, on the subject of Estrangement:
Search of Huffington Post for posts on the subject of Estrangement

 


May 9, 2015 Keyword search: “Mother’s Day” & “Estrangement”

The following four links are the result of an internet search using keywords: "Mother's Day" and "Estrangement". The links are to articles recently posted and to articles that didn't have those annoying popups that appear all too often these days.


Note: To get a different perspective on Katie Naum's “Cards”, try the following changes and then read them again while imagining that they were written by a mother. I have numbered Naum’s “Cards” from 1 to 11.
In #1 change the wording to:
“Thank You For Living In My Womb and Being Born. (inside) That Part Went Pretty Well From My Perspective.”
Read #s 2 through 9 unchanged but as if written by a mother.
In #10 substitute the word “Mother” in the place of “Daughter”.
In #11 substitute the word “Daughter” in the place of “Mother”.

My request to look at the “Cards” as though written by a mother instead of a daughter is to bring a different perspective to what was written. I am not making a judgement. I am asking the question: If a mother had written those “Cards”, what would that say about the Mother? If the answer is different from what it says to you about the daughter who wrote them, why would that be so?

 


Slate staff writer Katy Waldman's article on Narcissism: Link

Are you a Narcissist? by Slate staff writer Katy Waldman, August 2014

If you’re new to being estranged and to online discussions of the condition, you might not have experienced the word Narcissistic (with a capital N in the context of Narcissistic Personality Disorder) occurring frequently in discussions of family estrangement. If you are a longtime survivor of family estrangements, it would be hard to imagine that you have not encountered those two conditions, Narcissism and Estrangement, being mentioned as related to each other. Parents are labeled as having (or being) NPD. Kids are labeled as having (or being) NPD. It seems some days that just about anyone who gets up in the morning and thinks or says anything positive or negative about themselves must have NPD according to someone who has estranged them or is estranged by them.

Parents and adult kids in online discussion groups report being accused of pathological narcissism. Parents and adult kids regularly diagnose their respective adult kids and parents as having NPD. There are groups set up just to discuss the narcissism of parents. Oddly, since it seems that the condition of pathological narcissism would not be restricted only to those who see themselves as offspring but could be suffered by anyone, parent or adult child, there are no groups set up by and for parents specifically to discuss their experience of having offspring who are pathologically narcissistic. The reasons for that are open to speculation.

Anyway, what brings me to my blog this morning is an article that I read online about NPD by Slate staff writer Katy Waldman that I thought was worth adding a link here. She mentions a number of points that have occurred to me over the years of reading about the personality disorder of NPD and she includes links to other references on the subject too. Considering this subject is one that comes up so very frequently in relation to the condition of family estrangement, I thought it was a very appropriate and worthwhile link to share here.

Are you a Narcissist? by Slate staff writer Katy Waldman, August 2014


Mother's Day 2012: Eleven Selected Links

  1. March 9, 2012 Estranged from my mum on Mother's Day
  2. May 11, 2012 Kelly Pickler, article, song & video: "Mother's Day" Is Gift of Closure
  3. My Mother
  4. Mother's Day: To Estranged Mother Greeting Card
  5. Father's Day Cards to Estranged Father Greeting Card
    Interestingly, there are several choices of cards for estranged fathers but only one for estranged mothers.
  6. May 11, 2012 by Theresa Froehlich, Transition Coach Mothers Who Can't Celebrate Mother's Day
  7. Nov. 20, 2010 Estranged Adult Children
  8. May 8, 2011 Mother's Day's Dirty Little Secret: Estrangement
  9. May 12, 2012 Mother's Day Guest Columnist Deborah Kennedy: What I never got to tell my mother
  10. April 28, 2012 Broken Bonds Healing Hearts: Advice on Surviving Mother's Day
  11. May 10, 2012 The Last Mother's Day by Timothy Egan

Happy Mother's Day!

(Or as one dear friend calls it: Stupid F'ing Mother's Day! -- SFMD! for short)

Ginny


Christopher Hitchens Article on Estrangement, Vanity Fair, 2005

The writer Christopher Hitchens has died. I've spent much of my day so far reading obituaries about him and watching videos of him on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Among the many words written by and about him, I found an article by Hitchens on the estrangements that occur between siblings. It is titled: "Oh Brother, Why Art Thou" and was written in 2005. He had been estranged from his brother, Peter Hitchens. They eventually reconciled.

Here is the link to the article:

"Oh Brother, Why Art Thou?" by Christopher Hitchens in Vanity Fair, May 16, 2005

and here is a link to today's post by Peter Hitchens on the death of his brother:

By Peter Hitchens, December 16, 2011: In Memoriam: Christopher Hitchens, 1949-2011

and a link to an earlier post by Peter Hitchens on the relationship with his brother and their eventual reconciliation:

"How I found God and peace with my atheist brother" by Peter Hitchens, March 11, 2010


For Mother's Day: Mother's Day & Estrangement Links

Happy Mother's Day from Your Estranged Daughter, May 7, 2011

Estranged from my mother no more: A Mother's Day Remembrance, May 8, 2011

Not So Happy Mother's Day, May 8, 2009

Mother's Day is over, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day Special: PTSD and estrangement of family 'cause I gotta pay the money back, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day Without a Mother, May 7, 2011


Personal stories of loss through estrangement and death

The link below goes to a story by a son on the death of his father from whom he was estranged. They were estranged because of the father's deterioration due to Alzheimer's. It is a poignant story that is accompanied below on that page by links to the stories of others who were estranged from their fathers.

Dealing with the death of an estranged father by S. C. Kleinhans

 


Gifts of kindness: Softening the blow of family estrangement

Kindness has been on my mind in recent days. How kindness is a beautiful quality in people. How it softens the blows of life. What a difference a kindness can make. How it can cost so very little. What a wonderful present it is to give the gift of kindness.

Today's post is a list of articles that relate to Christmas, relationships, and the benefits of kindness. These all relate to family estrangements or conflicts in some way. Some more directly than others.

 


More from Dr. Cara Barker on being estranged from family

After Dr. Barker's article last week that touched on estrangement, she received so many responses that she continued on that topic today:

December 20, 2010: Learning to Love from Afar by Dr. Cara Barker

(I particularly liked what one of her readers said: "Don't trip on what's behind you.")


Dec. 20: Articles on coping with being estranged during Christmas

Thanksgiving is in the subject title but Gould writes about the entire holiday season, not only Thanksgiving, in this article that touches on the more difficult situations that we deal with at this time of year. Including estrangement:

November 23, 2010: Thanksgiving - - Sink or Swim by Roger Gould, author of Shrink Yourself: End Emotional Eating

Put away the feelings of victimization. Read what Fiona has to say about feeling like a victim:

December 20, 2010 Have Yourself a Very Merry, Victim Free, Christmas by Fiona McColl


On Huffington Post: Dr. Cara Barker on Family Estrangement

Are you looking for advice on how to cope through the holidays despite being estranged? I found an excellent article today on that topic on the Huffington Post. The title is misleading. It is more about how to heal and cope despite being estranged rather than how to mend bridges. Be sure not to miss the Comments section which you find by scrolling way down below the article. The link is as follows:

How to Mend Bridges with Estranged Family Members During the Holidays by Dr. Cara Barker

Dr. Barker makes a reference to a poem by Howard Thurman. The link to the poem online is as follows:

I will light candles this Christmas, a poem by Howard Thurman

I didn't know who Howard Thurman was. So I looked him up. Links are as follows:

Howard Thurman

Howard Thurman on Wikipedia

Wishing you Peace in the holiday season,

Ginny


Father's Day and Estrangement: a keyword search on June 1 '08

  1. Monday, June 18, 2007: She She on Father's Day Quote from She She: "There are no black hats. There are no white hats. There is only gray, and it’s the most beautiful of colors."
  2. Tuesday, May 6, 2008: Word Count II: Dear Monty Quote: "At this time, I am thinking of just sending a Father's Day card with my name on it. That is all I can bear right now."
  3. Tuesday, May 20, 2008: Passiam's Lodge: Control is an Illlusion. Quote: " If you read my Tweet, it talks about my mother wanting to bring my estranged and financially-challenged biological father . . . "
  4. Wednesday, May 14, 2008 McCall's Manic Merry-Go-Round: Mother's Day Schmothers Day Quote: "Next celebration to consider -- well other than some conspicuous birthdays -- is Father's Day, which is when I give John his props for dealing with all, and resolving most, of the "Daddy Issues" I carry around."
  5. Monday, May 12, 2008 Crossing Channels: The Commodification of Feelings. Quote: "This epidemic has been caused by a consumer culture that preys on the minds of gullible individuals and turns them into consumers hungry for love."
  6. Wednesday, May 7, 2008: Dating Trials and Tribulations: Un-official dating holiday. Quote: "Why is it that the week before Mother's Day or Father's Day considered to be a dating "National Holiday", comparable to the Fourth of July, Thanksgiving or Christmas???"