Blog Fishing: Today's Catch. July 27, 2005

Seventeen Days and counting ..

Nineteen days and counting ...

The reason I haven't been writing is that I am sick and the illness makes me feel unmotivated to write or to do most things that I usually enjoy. On September 7 I have a doctor's appointment with a specialist, an endocrinologist, to figure out exactly what is causing my thyroid to produce way too much hormone and develop a treatment plan. September 7 can't come too fast!

The symptoms are unpleasant. I feel hot, sweaty, itchy, weak, unmotivated, achy, tired, and overall unwell. My ankles swell up because my heart beats so fast that it beats inefficiently. I can't walk up stairs well. I walk up stairs as though I were a very old and rickety person. I walk slowly all the time. My entire internal system is working incorrectly. I need to go to the bathroom far too often. Other unpleasant things occur that I can't bring myself to mention here in public. I feel crappy.

I have had blood tests that show that my T4 thyroid hormone reading is 4. Normal is from one to two. I have hyperthyroidism. It may be Grave's Disease which is the second most common thyroid illness. Hashimoto's is the most common. I have too much thyroid hormone which is like being run by an engine that is in overdrive and won't quit. Consequently, I am taking Toprol XL which slows down the heartrate which should get me through to September 7 with my heart still beating. There is a possibility that I have cancer.

Sitting down in front of my computer to type takes effort. Everything takes effort. I feel differently about food than I did two weeks ago. Gorgeous eclairs get no attention from me. I can't drink coffee or anything that might speed up my heart. I feel as though I've aged twenty years in two weeks.

Maybe after September 7 I will do the opposite? Get younger by twenty years in a few weeks?

Right now I have no energy for estrangements. I just want to have energy enough to stay alive until someone does something to help me feel better. Life is short. Nature is reminding me of who is boss. It sure isn't me!

Ginny

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