Other Estrangements in more distantly related family ...

Link to a Sermon on How to Reconcile a Family Estrangement

About sending presents when you are estranged ...

In the recent communications from my daughter I learned that all gifts, flowers, and cards sent to her in the last 10 years by myself or my mother had been put in the trash. I don't know what my mother sent to her. I hadn't sent much as I thought there was a good chance that the trash would be the place she'd put it. Unfortunately, there was one thing that is really a shame that it went into the trash.

Several years ago relatives in Finland put together a well researched and illustrated genealogy of the family that went back to the 1500's. They had it published as a hard bound book in a limited number and gave it to several hundred relatives, mainly in Finland but a few in the U.S. They had gathered photos for it and had done considerable research. Our ancestors went through many trials and tribulations in centuries past. They experienced war and famine and disease on a regular basis. Large families and the deaths of children were the norm. They were hardworking carpenters, farmers, sailors, and business people. When there was a family reunion in Finland shortly before this genealogy was published, there were over 400 people present at the reunion including three from the United States: my mother, my younger uncle, and a cousin.

My mother received three copies of the book and sent two to me so that I could have one for myself and could give one to my daughter. I sent one to my daughter, hoping that she would open the package before deciding to put it in the trash. Since it was a hardbound book and had some weight to it, I hoped that she would open it to check on what it was before consigning it to oblivion. Apparently, she put things straight into the trash without checking to see what they were. If she didn't want the genealogy, I am sure one of the second or third cousins would have liked to have had it. It's gone.

For those of you who wonder about whether to send things to the person from whom you are estranged, keep this in mind. Perhaps if the object has some special significance and can't be replaced, you might send it to a third party. Assuming that you know of a third party who wouldn't mind being asked to explain to the estranger why they are bringing this item and why not to throw it away.



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