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Posts from November 2005

Graves' Disease Update

This morning I went in to the medical center to take a tracer pill to start the procedure that will continue tomorrow with a scan of my thyroid gland. The scan will be followed by an assessment of the scan results by the radiology doctors which will determine if and how much radioactive iodine I will be given to ablate my thyroid gland. The appointment this morning was simple and fast and on time which was a pleasant surprise. The technician explained what will happen tomorrow, answered my questions, and gave me the tracer pill which has a small amount of radioactive iodine in it.

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Graves' Disease Update

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Jennifer Aniston last night on Larry King

I tuned in for the interview and watched the whole show. It was mostly about the movie Derailed that Jennifer Aniston is in with Clive Owen. About acting and celebrity and papparazzi and the desire for a private life. Aniston did not want to talk about recent events in her private life or about private life at all. Larry King made some attempts to get her to talk about her private life with no success.

The media hysteria about the end of her marriage to Brad Pitt and the media hysteria about her in general has been obnoxious. She clearly wants the focus to be on her work as an actress and not on her private life.

My impression of her in the interview was of a very strong woman with a clear sense of direction. I could sense pain behind the words at times but also acceptance and determination to go forward.

I had hoped that she would talk about some things that interest me but understood why she wouldn't. In her position as a respected and popular actress, her opinions on some of the things that she has been through and what she has learned could benefit a lot of people if she was willing to share them. Maybe she will be willing to talk about them some day when she is ready.

Snicks


Article on Sylvia Plath on Slate.com

I've been enjoying reading Slate.com recently. I also have enjoyed reading Salon.com but it takes longer to get into that site and it requires a subscription to make the process shorter. Consequently I read Slate.com rather than Salon.com. One of these days I will subscribe to Salon.com.

In doing a keyword search on the word estranged in Slate.com, I found an article on Sylvia Plath and the book of her poems, Ariel, which was originally published posthumously after being edited by her estranged husband, the poet Ted Hughes. Back when I was in my twenties I was fascinated with Sylvia Plath and her poetry and have read books and articles about her. I haven't yet seen a recent movie that came out about her.

I've seen the animated movie Iron Giant which was based on a story by Ted Hughes. I was moved to tears by the movie each time I've seen it. If you are interested in Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes, you might be interested in reading this article.

  Ariel Redux The latest chapter in the Sylvia Plath controversy. By Meghan O'Rourke Posted Tuesday, Dec. 7, 2004 on Slate.com


Article in today's Slate.com on children and divorce.

Online article in today's Slate.com about a book on children and divorce: Putting the Duh Into Divorce The Times and Post mistake the platitudinous for the profound. By Jack Shafer Posted Monday, Nov. 7, 2005

Book Club Entry written in 2000 in Slate.com archives referenced in Shafer's article of today linked above: A Selection of Books on Divorce


Jennifer Aniston tonight on Larry King

Jennifer Aniston recently reconciled with her mother, Nancy Aniston, after a 9 year estrangement. Jennifer will be on Larry King tonight. I am hoping that she talks about her estrangement and reconciliation during the interview.

Years ago after the estrangement began, her mother wrote a book: Mother and Daughter to Friends: A Memoir.

Some of us express ourselves in print on paper. Some of us express ourselves online in pixels. Some of us keep it all inside. We all do something different to cope. Some of us don't cope.

I am so happy that they reconciled.

Snicks


John Nash of "A Beautiful Mind" was estranged from one son.

I found this online article written in 2001 in the archives of Slate.com on the brilliant and troubled mathematician who was the subject of the movie, A Beautiful Mind.

A Real Number: A Beautiful Mind's John Nash is nowhere near as complicated as the real one. By Chris Suellentrop, Posted Friday, Dec. 21, 2001, at 8:27 AM ET Quoting from the article: "After a 17-year estrangement, John Stier and Nash met again. Nash criticized Stier's decision to become a nurse and urged him to go to medical school. He told Stier that it would be beneficial for his other son John (who also developed schizophrenia) to know his "less intelligent older brother."


A Walk Down Memory Lane: On the family that I once knew ...

What inspired me to write a list of the things that I like about being estranged is that I woke up yesterday thinking about some stranger's belief that my taking down estrangements.com would make it more likely that my daughter would reconcile with me. Along with thinking about how clueless that stranger was, I was thinking that the only good thing that had come out of being estranged was estrangements.com. Then I realized immediately that that was not true. That I had had so much more peace in my life since being estranged and hadn't had a migraine headache since the time that my mother visited. I hadn't had a migraine headache before that since my daughter had visited. Then I made the list of what I like about being estranged.

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A Walk Down Memory Lane: On the family that I once knew ...

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What I like about being estranged:

1. I don't have to spend time with people who insult me, call me names, and think I am a horrible rotten worthless person.

2. I don't have to spend time with people who dislike me.

3. I don't have to spend time with people who are bored when they spend time with me.

4. When there are holidays, I can spend them with people whose company I enjoy and who enjoy my company.

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What I like about being estranged:

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Art, Websites, Criticism, Unsolicited Advice, Decisions

I am an artist. In real life I am an artist. I create stuff that people look at. I usually work in a medium that is other than what you are looking at right now. But I have created a few websites. This is one of them. The others are commercial or for a nonprofit or for fun.

If you visit Estrangements.com, you are visiting something that is created for you, the visitor, to look at, read, gather information, interpret, compare with your own experience, and do whatever you personally need to do with it. You came here for a reason. When you leave, you remember your experience and it registers with you in your own unique way.

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Art, Websites, Criticism, Unsolicited Advice, Decisions

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Open letter to some unknown person out there on the internet

Hello Out There On The Internet,

Somewhere out there you exist. I don't know who you are. I only know that you emailed my ex-daughter to let her know about Estrangements.com. You, of course, know who you are.

I have wondered about your motivations and whether I know you and you know me. Or maybe you are talented at figuring out who people are on the internet. I have wondered if you had good intentions or malevolent ones. You must have thought that you were doing the right thing. I believe you did this very recently.

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Open letter to some unknown person out there on the internet

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The dream I had last night ...

Last night I dreamt about Ed. He was a high school friend to whom I once felt very close. The relationship was always a platonic one because I kept it that way. Ed would have liked it if I had been interested in something more. But I was always wary of that.

Ed was a talented musician and entertainer. Brilliant and sharp but with a cutting sense of savage black humor that spared no one although it was a long time before he ever used it on me. He used drugs sometimes. Was in many relationships with women. Was married several times but I don't know how many. Verbally abused the one wife that I knew and physically abused at least one girlfriend according to the artist fellow who is now married to her. I witnessed his treatment of a band member one night where he screamed at her at length to tell her what a bad job he thought she'd done in their gig that night.

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The dream I had last night ...

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Angry. Way over a ten on a one to ten scale.

My husband asked me how angry I felt. I responded that it was about a 1,025 on a one to ten scale.

I am so angry that I have been mourning the loss of a relationship where the other person was no more capable of loving me than a rock is capable of loving me. I am so angry that I had that lingering hope for a reconciliation.

Sometimes you know these things in your gut but you just stay in denial and tell yourself that it was due to this other person or this miscommunication or misinterpretation and if only you had said this or done that, then it would have ben okay. Like it is really all just a huge mistake and if the misinterpretations are cleared up, then it will all be okay. And then you realize one day that the other person has no interest in clearing anything up and is not capable of loving you and it has nothing whatever to do with what you did. It only has to do with their deliberate and perverse idea of what you did and how you did it and their own perverse idea of who you are. Some people are just not capable of loving me. No matter what. I will repeat that. No matter what.

Of course, I will eventually calm down and move on. And post about other estrangements in the world and my thoughts on estrangement in general. But right now I am just so angry.

Snicks


Blog Fishing: Today's Catch, Nov. 1, 2005

I go to Technorati.com and then put in key words that relate to estrangement. Then I see what comes up, check the blogs it found, and if there is anything interesting, I collect the link and put it here with sometimes a little quote from the post to give an indication of what the post or the blog is about. This is my second Blog Fishing Expedition.

10 Blog Fish:

How does one become un-estranged?  "I've felt increasingly like it is time to talk to my father again, but as time passes

I know less and less how to do it.  I had my reasons for drifting out of contact with him, even for not returning the sad message he left ..."

Women Who Inspire "Two years ago she left my stepfather and moved all the way to New York to start a new life with my estranged father of 17 years, and everyone is proud of her for it. My mom has been through so much and she’s still beating her way through life."

Curse You First Person Narative! " The story is about perfectly normal people, having perfectly normal problems. In this case, it's a middle aged English professor dealing with office politics during a period of budget cuts, an enlarged prostate (which happens to be a metaphor for both his stress level and his issues with his estranged, albiet academically famous, father)..."

A Sister's Gift A treasured photo of a mother.

Edgar Allen Poe He was my favorite author when I was a teenager. This is a blog about famous people and this post is about Poe. He was estranged from his adopted father.

BOOKS: Third Girl from the Left, Martha Southgate (2005) "The Edwards women are not a close-knit family; Angela's departure has estranged her from her mother, and she refuses to even talk to Tamara about her family"

Movie Fans are Cheering for 'Dreamer' "As the wise, elder Crane patriarch and horseman, he has been estranged from his son for a while. But, thanks to his granddaughter’s love and the desire to help save Sonia, father and son begin the process of settling their differences."

Little Earthquakes: Oh, My Aching Uterus "Through the points of view of these women, we witness the inner and outer workings of their marriages, family relationships, and friendships as their lives take on new and unpredicted shapes when their babies arrive. Lia deals with a secret tragedy and returns home to her estranged mother;"

Silencing of the Marginalized "I wonder how to be part of a more suppportive circle of women. I do not know what to do about the women i am estranged from.
My heart aches and yet, as i examine my actions, i feel the importance of the values that i stand so staunchly for."

what's a person to do. "Dangerous subject for me here.  Estranged from most of my family, I am now confronted with my daughter on a weekly basis."


My ex-daughter

Sometimes we get what we wish for. Robin wishes for permanent estrangement. I have read enough of her writing this week to welcome a permanent estrangement.

My daughter is no longer my daughter. She is my ex-daughter. We are divorced.

She is welcome to post that on her website.

One day I will no longer care. It's not here yet but it will come. I sure hope so.

Snicks


Having searched through my estrangements.com blog ...

I have searched through my estrangements.com blog and can't find any place where I even speculate about my ex or my son-in-law influencing my daughter negatively. I'm not saying it's not there but I can't find it.

It may be on the discussion board where my daughter searched out my old posts. There is no point in my searching through the board for those posts. This is weird. She talks about ME invading her PRIVACY by visiting her website and she has gone and searched out my posts on a discussion board where I talked about estrangement thinking that I was pretty safe as far as expressing my thoughts and feelings with others there. What I said there was not meant for her eyes nor for her husband's eyes. And it was not said from knowledge of what was happening in her life but was due to my wondering what was going on.

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Having searched through my estrangements.com blog ...

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Robin, about my writing about my mother's letter ...

On April 27, 2003 I wrote about my mother's letter to Robin. It is at this link: April 27, 2003 I am including it here for Robin's benefit as she appears to have missed it when she read my blog or possibly she read a post about this that I may have written online on a discussion board in 2004.

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Robin, about my writing about my mother's letter ...

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Time for a joke: Definition of Insanity

Coincidentally I received this joke in an email today:

The Bathtub

During a visit to a private mental health facility a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a big old fashioned bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug."

(PS.....Your room will be ready shortly......)


Monologues, dialogues, more misinterpretation, & analysis

Robin has now cut and pasted and responded on her website to a whole host of points that she disagrees with that I have on Estrangements.com and from posts of mine that she found on an online discussion board. While she said at one point within the last week that she had thrown all emails from me away back in 1995, now she says that she has things that I wrote to her back then or shortly after. To her it seems important to say that she threw stuff that I wrote out and that she kept stuff I wrote. In the former the point seems to be that she threw it out and let it go long ago, unlike myself who is still talking about estrangement. In the latter the point seems to be that she kept it so that she could reread it and piss herself off all over again and prove to herself how much I am worthless.

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Monologues, dialogues, more misinterpretation, & analysis

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