Posts from December 2005
There were fifty Comments to this post when it was originally posted on LiveJournal. The first anonymous poster is not my daughter. My daughter responds later in the Comments section as another anonymous poster and then continues. To read the Comments to this post on LiveJournal, click here.
Five Found Dead in Related Shootings, October 26, 2005
I'm wondering what the rest of the story will be. This may be one of those cases where a quiet estrangement would have been preferable.
Note added later: Here's another link with more info: Va. Man Who Killed 4 Had Mental Problems from ABC News
But on a different note, a happy story that isn't brand new but is new to me as a dear online friend shared it with me today. This story had its beginnings around Christmastime in 2004:
A Hippo and Tortoise Tale by Jennifer Ludden
When my ex was nine years old, his mother decided that he was too old to keep a teddy bear. She made him take the stuffed bear out, put it in the trash barrel, and burn it. In my mind I could see him standing there in the smoke of the fire, a boy watching his teddy bear burn. My heart hurt for him.
Today started with a poppyseed bagel and goat cheese with peppercorns. The goat cheese is made locally by a man who has goats. Of course! We bought the cheese in a small cheese shop that I love. The proprietor is a cheese aficianado. He sells cheese the way wine sellers sell fine wines. He is knowledgeable and friendly. Most any cheese in the shop that can be sliced is available for tasting. He recommends cheeses and describes how they taste. I don't drink wine but I love cheese.
Once upon a time ...
In practically a previous lifetime I spent 17 Christmas Eves at the home of my ex-husband's parents. From 1966 to 1983. At the last one I already knew I wanted to end my marriage but thought it was too cruel to say so in December of the year. Since then I've learned that most people who decide to leave don't let December control what they're going to say and do. In 1983 I still had a lot to learn.
Here are the results of this Technorati search today. I did a search using the keywords Christmas and estranged. After I selected ten, Technorati pooped out on me so couldn't look at more right now. But this is sufficient. The results relate to all kinds of estrangements: with parents, husbands, sisters, friends and some are just peripherally about estrangement.
If you are a parent who is estranged from your child, whether or not you are divorced from their other parent, many of the stories described in this discussion group will sound familiar.
Years ago when I first read about PAS, I sent a copy of a book on PAS to both my ex and my daughter. I doubt that either of them read it. My daughter probably threw the package away without even looking inside.
What happened to the author of The End of Strife?
I've had an active imagination for most of my life. My favorite author when I was a kid was Edgar Allen Poe. I often imagine terrible things have happened that haven't happened. I am often wrong. So I am hopeful that my concern about this blogger who I found back in early October is unwarranted.
If he ever loses us he can just follow the screaming like a trail of breadcrumbs, title of post in which Heather B. Armstrong of dooce.com said: "Someone once warned me that girls come out of the womb suffering PMS, and I feel a duty to pass along that gem of wisdom."
I wrote the following last year in a longer post on(Christmas Day 2004) .
About Christmas .... it seems almost inappropriate to wish those who come here looking for answers a Merry Christmas. If you have come here to find a way to resolve an estrangement and you're miserable over being estranged, then the last thing I'd think you'd want to hear is a greeting of Merry Christmas when you are feeling the least merry that you've ever felt. Christmas may have been torture. The entire season may have been just one hell of a day after another. Been there, done that too. A good grim "bah humbug" might be something you'd rather hear.
So ... rather than wish you a Merry Christmas ... I will offer you a Get Well card. I hope that you do Get Well and someday find yourself able to enjoy the greeting of Merry Christmas again. I wish you the ability to smile. to get up in the morning with no tears, the freedom to spend most of a day thinking of whatever you'd like to think about rather than this misery of being estranged, the joy of being able to appreciate the sun, good friends, the fact that you're alive. I wish you the miracle of waking some day and later thinking with surprise about how you didn't wake up thinking about your estrangement and you can't remember how long it has been since you thought about being estranged. I wish you relief from your pain, healing from your loss, and the ability to feel joy once again.
No, I don't have the answer that you may have come here to find but I promise you that there is healing whether you find the answer or not. Eventually. It takes time. Have faith and hang in there!
Some things don't change. A year ago what I wrote is as true today as it was in December of 2004.
Wednesday, December 8, 2004 The Busyness Cure
I've thrown myself this last week into doing a redesign of the website for the nonprofit that I'm involved with. While I can't control much in this world and accept my powerlessness over people, events, genetics, the past, and the laws of physics, I can have the illusion of some small thing that is in my control when I work on a website. I wish I had more knowledge and skill. I am self taught. But I learn every time I work on a site.
One more of those stories that fascinate me. The kind where the downright upright solid citizen has a secret side that almost no one knows about and one day his sons wake up and discover that their father is a philandering crack smoking bank robber! At least two of them stop talking to him ... after they turn him in.