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Posts from January 2006

Common sense guidelines for being estranged

I have a health condition for which I received treatment in November 2005. Recently I met with my doctor and asked him when the treatment would have full effect. He told me that no one knows because each person's body reacts in their own individual way. The condition of estrangement is like that.

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Common sense guidelines for being estranged

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Grief

Note: This post was written on December 1, 2005.

Just two days ago someone, a stranger, emailed me to thank me for leaving a compliment on a post on his blog. I had never met him, just admired his writing. I suspect he is young enough to be my son. I had checked out his website and saw that he and his wife are the parents of a newborn baby girl. They have named her Madeleine. He wrote to me, thanked me for the compliment, and asked if I had a blog. I hesitated for several hours before replying.

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Grief

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The Ontario Blogger "M", the writer, editor, artist, and mother

This is a longshot. I am writing this post in the hope that some stranger on the internet will find it and know who this woman is who wrote a blogspot blog called The End of Strife. She wrote the blog for nine days in October 2005 and then stopped. She has written nothing since October 18, 2005. I am hoping that either someone knows her and will write to me to tell me she is okay or that someone will write to me and tell me that they know who she is and they are wondering where she is too.

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The Ontario Blogger "M", the writer, editor, artist, and mother

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People who impress the heck out of me ...

Yesterday I attended the opening reception of an exhibit of the art of nine artists. What the nine have in common is that they all have a physical and/or mental disability that makes it very hard to do things that the rest of us take for granted.

The youngest artist is in his early twenties. He is wheelchair bound and has limited mobility in his arms and hands. Currently medicine has no cure for his disabilities.

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People who impress the heck out of me ...

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The question of the day: What is love?

Love is an emotion that I feel for another person. Love is not entirely logical. A very strong feeling of affection and a concern for that person's wellbeing and safety. A willingness on my part to do things for that person that I would not do for others. A desire to see that person be happy. A feeling of happiness on my part to see that person happy.

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The question of the day: What is love?

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Forgiving her and him and them and me ....

I hope that visitors here have looked at the articles on forgiveness at the links in the previous posts. Even if you don't think of youself as the one who feels a need to understand forgiveness, these articles have something to offer. I got a lot out of reading them.

My daughter has gone to the extent of calling me a fraud and a liar because in my journal/blog begun on Estrangements.com I have said that I don't understand why we are estranged. I had felt mystified. She is convinced that I had full understanding of why we are estranged.

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Forgiving her and him and them and me ....

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On Forgiveness ...

Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.
- Nelson Mandela

Beginning Again in Love, A Sermon by Kathy Lehman

Forgive for Good, An Interview with author Fred Luskin

Learning to forgive for good. Website of Fred Luskin

The Power of Forgiveness by Naomi Drew M.A.

FORGIVENESS: THE MANDELA PRINCIPLE by Rev. Victor H. Carpenter

Give Yourself Up by Rev. Kim K. Crawford Harvie, Arlington Street Church, November 13, 2005

Desmond Tutu said, “To forgive is not just to be altruistic. It is the best form of self-interest. It is also a process that does not exclude hatred and anger. These emotions are all part of being human. You should never hate yourself for hating others who do terrible things: the depth of your love is shown by the extent of your anger."

"However, when I talk of forgiveness, I mean the belief that you can come out the other side a better person, a better person than the one being consumed by anger and hatred. Remaining in that state locks you in a state of victimhood, making you almost dependent on the perpetrator. If you can find it in yourself to forgive, then you are no longer chained to the perpetrator.”


January 9th's keyword search results ...

Today's search for interesting recent entries in blogs that referenced estrangements or the word estranged:

Sunday January 1, 2006 Thoughts for the New Year

Monday, January 09, 2006 I'm Sorry, But Your Mom Has Passed Away....Or Not....

The best part of the web January 9, 2006

Monday, January 09, 2006 camping out at home

Sunday, January 08, 2006 Estranged

Saturday, January 07, 2006 Sister


What we remember ....

My husband had a story that he would tell me in the first years of our relationship. The story was about this incredible house with elaborate painted turned posts on the porch. A previous owner was alleged to have been buried in the front yard in a sitting up position. He remembered this story from when he lived in Dublin, Virginia while he was in junior high school. He told me this story many times. Then one day we drove to Dublin.

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What we remember ....

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The tragic loss of what might have been ...

After the recent unproductive argument with my daughter in the Comments of the Listening post on LiveJournal argument I wrote a very long piece that I saved to think about whether to post or not. The post was so long that I would have put it  online in five parts. After thinking about this post for several days, I decided that posting it wouldn't accomplish anything. The person that I most would have wanted to read it can't read anything I write without interpreting it in some harshly negative way. I am saving the bulk of it for another time and another place. The short of it is this post.

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The tragic loss of what might have been ...

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The Movie: The Squid and The Whale

The Squid and The Whale, a tragicomedy, depicts a fracturing family and the reactions of the two sons to their parents' separation and impending divorce. The squid and the whale reference comes from a monumental diorama of a struggle between a gigantic squid and a whale at the American Museum of Natural History in NYC. (Note: I didn't see a picture of the diorama on the museum's website. Just letting you know if you click on it thinking that the image would be there.)

The fight depicted between the two creatures is as monumental as the parents' conflict is in the minds of the sons. Each of the confused frightened and distraught boys responds to the parents' failing relationship and subsequent decisions in bizarre ways. Based on writer/director Noah Baumbach's memories of his parents separation and divorce when he was a boy of 16.

A synopsis on Ritz Filmbill
Winner of the Waldo Salt Screenwriting Award as well as the best Dramatic Directing Award at the 2005 Sundance Film Festival.
The Snicks' rating for this movie is five stars.


To the Minnesota Mom/Daughter

Hoping that the Minnesota Mom comes back to read on Typepad rather than LiveJournal one of these days and sees this.

Dear Minnesota Mom,

There was a time when my thinking about kids was similar to yours. Not entirely and I don't think and feel that way any more but, yes, there was a time when my thinking was much different than it is now. This is because when you go through several kinds of life experiences, you begin to appreciate more the concept of having walked in someone else's shoes, even those of people whom you didn't understand at all once upon a time.

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To the Minnesota Mom/Daughter

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An Estrangement Lexicon

or

The Proper Use of Terms When Speaking of Estrangements and Relatives

By Tung Incheeky

Scapegoat:

The one on whom all is blamed. Convenient persons without which no estrangement would be complete.

If one is not immediately available, choose whichever relative has a history of being nice. Keep this in mind when choosing your own scapegoat.

If the person has a history of trying not to swear when abused and loves to make people happy, such a person will make an ideal scapegoat.  That makes it fun because nice people are loathe to defend themselves in a truly nasty manner .... until enough years go by when they get fed up with the role. When this occurs, the previously nice person may become less nice and it may be wise to choose a different scapegoat.

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An Estrangement Lexicon

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Of cartoons & the characters in them ...

The characters in the previous cartoon were not based on either my ex-husband or his mother. This is said because someone who is calling herself Maurice today thought that they were. To my knowledge my first mother-in-law would NEVER have thrown a meat cleaver at anyone. I never met the person whom I was told threw a meat cleaver at her son. Nor do I even know her name.

Have a nice day, Maurice.

Snicks