Holidays & Estrangement ~ Why I am estranged from my mother.

Invitations to support group have been sent.

Revisiting ~ When do we stop talking and get on with our lives?

Being someone who suffers from clinical depression on occasion, I find that dwelling on sad subjects triggers my depression. Thus spending a lot of time writing about and talking about sad memories is a dangerously self indulgent exercise for me to do.

In my offline life I don't talk about this but my online life, as you know from reading this blog, is a different story. While it is important to me to continue to write on my blog and to update my website, it is not healthy for me to dwell on this topic all the time.

The more I dwell on it, the more I dwell on it which is not good. It's hard to let go of the feelings triggered by the subject and the memories once they get their claws into me. Sometines I don't know which comes first. Does depression trigger memories and obsessing about them? Or do thoughts and memories trigger depression?

I  know that when I go out and get involved in the rest of my life that the depression becomes less of a problem and eventually goes away. I equate depression to thunderstorms. Depression moves in like a storm, making the days gray and gloomy. It rumbles around, flashing negative thoughts and encourages me to isolate myself.

If I do healthy things like work on some other project that has nothing to do with estrangement and my relatives, the storm moves away. Life becomes normal. I notice the sun shining. I get things done. I am not all gloom and doom.

Doing other projects is not always a cure. Sometimes it is a matter of time. Eventually the storm leaves and the sun comes out again. I do have to make myself get involved in the rest of my life or the storm hangs around too long.

It is a good idea for me to budget how much time I let myself talk and think about things that trigger depression. Being depressed is no fun.

I much prefer the times that I spend with friends to the time that I spend thinking on this topic. It sucks me in and I let it. But fortunately, I am aware of the dangers. I can go do something else. And think of another way to approach it when I write again.

Ginny

Comments

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Susan

Hope this works? I too believe in staying busy but it also helps me to be a hermit when I don't feel well.

I am a homebody anyway but don't really like to be around certain people (that will look closely) unless I am on top of my game. I just don't want to talk about it with them, it is too personal and not everyone needs to know my thoughts, ya know? Usually a day or so in seclusion helps me tremendously. Oh I forgot I do have my books, music, piano and computer on those days too, they heal me I think.

I also take a dance class I enjoy very much, that is the most help! Love the blog, thanks!!

Ginny

Susan,

I have heard that exercise helps. I have been so bad at that although years ago I was better.

I think I know what you mean about not wanting to talk about it with certain people. I only talk about it with people I consider "safe" and that is rare. Only if something comes up that is related to mental illness or alcoholism or estrangement. Usually the people I choose to mention it to have something to share that is similar in their families or they know of someone else who has had a similar experience.

I am not good about crying in front of people. I would hate to do that. When I have cried in front of someone, then I feel embarrassed. If I talk about these things much in person, there is that possibility that I would cry.

Ginny

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