I took myself out to Panera Bread this morning for a soufflé. I like their charming little soufflés with the browned top and the creamy inside, hot and a bit richer than what I should eat but oh so delicious! I needed a treat. Their coffee is passable but too acidic for my taste. I drank it anyway. Must have coffee!
When I left the house this morning, the first thing I heard was the beautiful full throated song of a bird. It was a gorgeous day. The sun was shining. The grass and the leaves were a brilliant green. I felt happy to be alive and out in the air, away from my computer and far away from someone who doesn't like me.
The interaction last week with my daughter was exhausting. Who knows what, if anything, was accomplished for her by the experience. That is a rhetorical question and I don't need an answer. For me, I feel as though I have a crystal clear idea of her viewpoints on me. Which isn't the same thing as saying that I have the same viewpoints. I am a different person and we have different viewpoints. I have agreed that those are her viewpoints and have said that I will not try to talk her out of them. Nor will I attempt to continue to discuss those things with her on my blog.
If , after stating her viewpoints, she had wanted to talk about a neutral subject I might have done that. Something like who will win the Democratic party nomination or the tragedies on the other side of the world or what goals she hoped to achieve in her business would have been fine topics of conversation. Being threatened with punishment if I didn't write appropriately according to her ideas of appropriateness isn't the sort of thing that I take lying down. That's objectionable! Thus talking with her further on my blog is something I won't do.
Yesterday for dinner I had those little fingerling potatoes that take only a half hour in the oven to bake. They are fun to eat. I was munching on my little potatoes and then noticed that I was chewing on one that tasted moldy. I continued chewing and was, for some weird reason, actually thinking of swallowing it when I realized how absurd that was. I spit it out in a napkin and threw it away. It reminded me of how I do that in life sometimes: continue to tolerate something that is so absurdly unpleasant and bad for me and I put up with it for a bit too long before I realize that I have a choice in the matter and put an end to it. Like my first marriage or a conversation with someone who is demeaning me. A metaphor for lots of things that go a little too far past the point where they need to be quit.
Years ago I went to Al anon because of the behavior of my alcoholic relatives. There I learned a lot of important lessons.Such as not tolerating unacceptable behavior. Lessons such as "You didn't cause it. You can't control it. You can't cure it." Also known as the Three C's. Lessons such as "letting go and letting God." Leaving people up to a Higher Power, whatever that may be for them.
I have believed for a long time that everyone has the ability to grow over time and that the general tendency for most people is to grow in better and better ways, to become healthier and healthier. I do believe that is mostly true. Although sometimes people disappoint us and hurt us. But we all grow in our own time frames and at our own rate and when we are ready. I do believe that.
I have followed the story of Roseanne Barr for many years. Roseanne Barr is an intelligent and talented and funny woman with many accomplishments to her credit. She estranged herself from her family. She said that her parents had abused her in satanic rituals. They took lie detector tests which they passed. Fourteen years later from the start of the estrangement she reconciled with them. Now she says that they are wonderful. She hasn't talked much publicly that I have seen about the reconciliation. I know that she became involved in the Kabballah and that involvement was apparently a catalyst for reconciliation. Funny how things work out.
I am at the bottom of my coffee cup. That's all for now.