How dumb & crazy would I have to be to do that?
For Parents: Discussion Forum on Estrangement

Being estranged and letting petty stuff get to us.

I've been estranged for a long time now. Life does go on. I am busy with my life but occasionally, like yesterday, something occurs that is really no big deal. It's petty. I don't have to react. Up till yesterday I did not react to that thing. I know that is better for me not to let little things like that get to me.

So what if there is a link on my blog? Actually, all links, no matter whether the linker likes me or not, are good in terms of SEO (Search Engine Optimization). It raises the rank of a blog or website. Thus, there is a benefit. If there were a thousand people who hated me and linked to my blog, I would have great SEO!

As it is, I have one linker who dislikes me enough to have put a link to my blog on their blog over a year ago. This is relatively good from a personal standpoint. It is positive that I don't have one thousand people who dislike me enough to link to my blog. On the other hand, it would be better for my SEO if I did!

I haven't done anything to attract the attention of the person who dislikes me. Actually, that person considers my writing boring. Fortunately, since this is a free country, that person does not have to read my writing which isn't written to entertain that person anyway.

Letting petty stuff like this get to you is one of those things that is good to learn how not to do. Just sometimes, when I am not expecting it, I am surprised by seeing personal insults when I have done nothing that particular day to warrant being attacked. Although the attack was written over a year ago. There it is anyway due to Blogger and its Preview Post window regardless of the link's lack of freshness. For me yesterday it felt fresh.

A therapist told me once upon a time, when giving me advice about how to cope with my mother, to ignore whatever I didn't like and to praise what I liked. That did help me cope in a relationship with her for many years after he gave me that advice. Right up till the day that I let myself react to something I didn't like. Then the crap hit the fan once again and our relationship went down the tubes. If I hadn't done that, maybe we would have had a relationship for a few more years. I was so offended by her behavior in reaction to my making a comment about her behavior that, for me, it was the last straw.

Now, of course, I am not trying to have a relationship with the person who dislikes me so trying to have a relationship is not a goal. Reacting to what irritates me is an option. The downside is that it takes up too much space in my mind. Once I get on that track again of thinking about having been attacked, it is hard to get off the track. I have too much on my plate to let myself get sidetracked by this kind of petty stuff.

It's important to remember that we don't have to react. We do have the rest of our life to consider. Life is short. It makes sense to spend it doing things that we enjoy doing. Reacting to petty stuff can feel good for a brief time but it's not any way to spend a life.



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