For Parents Feed

Father's Day & Estrangement II

  1. On FayObserver.com (The Fayetteville Observer), May 17, 2007: Celebrate Parents' Day by Steven R. Edelman
  2. Written by a father for his son, Shane,  from whom he had been estranged for a time. Posted on June 18, 1995: Father's Day
  3. In the archive of This American Life, Chicago Public Radio: 26: Father's Day '96. Available for download.
  4. On StarPulse.com, May 7, 2007: Adam Grenier makes a movie about search for dad
  5. A post on A Feast of Crumbs: Saturday Night Surprise, October 16, 2006
  6. A post from The Word of Todd, A Non-Prophet Prophet: It Gets to Me Every Single Time, August 5, 2006

Father's Day & Estrangement

  1. On AskMetafilter: How to be kind but firm with an estranged parent who wants more than I am willing to give, March 15, 2007
  2. On top40: The Story Behind "Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father)"
  3. Go On, Make Peace with Dad by Will Kern. Originally published on June 17, 2001.
  4. On FindArticles.com: Healing Father-Son Relationship by Adeyemi Bandele, June 1999
  5. On blogcritics.org: How do the fatherless celebrate Father's Day, by Cherryl Aldave, June 19, 2005

More on Mother's Day & Estrangement

  1. Finding Mom's Right Gift by Elizabeth Lardie, May 8, 2007, The Times Record online
  2. Mars Needs Moms on Jim Hill Media. Only remotely connected to estrangement but funny nugget of mother-related stuff.
  3. CamelsbackandForth: Early Late Stories, May 10, 2007
  4. InsideToronto.com - On The Guardian: Mother's Day Coping Tips for the Bereaved, May 10, 2007
  5. On ehow.com: How to Mend Fences with Mom on Mother's Day
  6. On kcbx.net: History of Mother's Day - ". . . to obliterate family estrangement . . . "

Mother's Day & Estrangement

  1. On ChristianityToday: When Mother's Day Is Hard - Taking solace in Scripture's difficult and unsentimental image of motherhood. By Jenell Williams Paris, May 1, 2004
  2. How do you handle Mother's day if you're estranged? On Yahoo Answers, April 2007
  3. Time's Fool: Mother's Day: Not Everyone Celebrates, May 4, 2007
  4. On Salon.com:   The other woman - When my mom split up with my not-mom, Mother's Day lost its charm.By Molly Hennessy-Fiske, May 10, 2001
  5. Honoring those who have mothered us  Barbara Child, March 5, 2007
  6. Life Without Borders: Mother's Day, May 14, 2006
  7. The Occasional Editorialist: Rewarding Family for Their Quirks, March 28, 2007
  8. "Mother's Day", a Meditation by Lianne Olive Hennig
  9. On iVillage, Garden Web: Estrangement from Adult Child, July 25, 2006 to April 20,2007 (or possibly more recent date)
  10. Love and Support Needed, May 9, 2005
  11. Allied: I am a mother, May 9, 2005

Fragmented Families by Ellen B. Sucov

Due to a damaged hard drive that needs to be sent out for data recovery, I'm not currently updating the estrangements.com website. I expect to be able to do updates again in a couple of weeks. (I can do them now but it would be easier if I had some files back on my computer.) In the meantime, I will put the items that I would have put on estrangements.com here on the Estrangements blog.

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Fragmented Families by Ellen B. Sucov

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July 18, 2006: keyword search: "how to let go"

These links were selected from the results of a Google search using the keyword phrase "how to let go":

  1. From enotalone.com: How to let go of guilt and learn to forgive
  2. From cancersurvivors.org: Letting Go (Note: This article pertains to all kinds of letting go.)
  3. How to Let Go of Your Mad Baggage, a book by Lynne Namka, Ed.D.
  4. On 43things.com: How to Let Go. (Note: This page has additional links as you scroll down to the bottom of the posts that also relate to letting go. I didn't go and read them all but there looks to be a lot of good input on the topic of learning to let go.)
  5. On oandp.com: Delegating Effectively: How to Let Go and Why by Jodi Mills (Note: The "letting go" being discussed in this article is not the same kind of letting go as in a relationship. But the issues of perfectionism and letting go of control of others and things are important ones that can be extrapolated to cover more than one kind of situation.)
  6. On Chet Day's Health & Beyond: How to Let Go of the Need to Be Right by Debbie Mandel
  7. From techrepublic.com: How to let go the hard way. (A post on a blog about leadership and management issues.)

June 15, 2006: Mentions of fathers & estrangements in blogs

In honor of the upcoming Father's Day and in keeping with the theme of this blog and the estrangements.com website, here are links to recent mentions of fathers and estrangements in blogs:

  1. Father's Day Irony
  2. Three Poems For My Father

  3. 00053
  4. ARRRRGH I HATE FATHERS!!!
  5. Gay son's betrayal tale
  6. Looking for a father’s love

  7. I could hold back the tide with my dad by my side ...
  8. Bitterness is a poison we drink hoping that some one else will die.


The Dialectizer & Harry Browne "Gift for My Daughter"

For a change of mood go here: Dialectizer's Redneck version of the online article, Gift for my Daughter by Harry Browne, and press the Dialectize button. Try the Cockney version and the Jive version and the Elmer Fudd version .... And then whatever other url or text you'd like to try the Dialectizer on.

Link to original Harry Browne article without being dialectized: Gift for my Daughter,


The Bottom Line - Part 4 of 4

Part 4 of 4: The Bottom Line:

The bottom line is I loved my daughter. I have done many things to prove my love, all of which have been discounted by her and counted for nothing.

This fourth part of this history is about that estrangement from my ex and then the estrangement from my daughter. In 1995, ten years after the estrangement from my ex, my daughter estranged herself from me, an estrangement that I have talked about online from its beginning.

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The Bottom Line - Part 4 of 4

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The End of the Line - 1984. Part 3 of 4

Part 3 of 4: The End of the Line for the Marriage: 1984

In January of 1984 I realized that I HAD to leave him. I didn’t want to hurt him any more. He begged me to stay. I knew that I had to get on with my life. I didn’t leave him for anyone else. I left him because I knew that we weren’t right for each other and that the pain was going to continue. I left him because my friend had died in an unhappy marriage and I wasn’t going to die in an unhappy marriage if I could help it. I would die alone if necessary but not in an unhappy marriage. I left.

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The End of the Line - 1984. Part 3 of 4

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Difficult Choices - Part 2 of 4

Part 2 of 4: On marriage and trying to make it work.

An aspect of the marriage that I loved was that of being her mother. I enjoyed knowing her, seeing her grow, just knowing her. She thinks now that i wanted her to be like me. Not true. If she was like me, that would have been okay but being unlike me was as okay as being like me. When she was older, she became a musician for a time. Guess what I am not good at? I have no ability when it comes to playing an instrument. Was that okay with me that she was interested in pursuing music? A hearty YES is the answer! Oddly enough my own parents had wanted me to play an instrument, the piano, which I had resisted vigorously.

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Difficult Choices - Part 2 of 4

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Going back to 1965, a history: Part 1 of 4

Part 1 of 4: The good bad old days ...

Generally I stay away from discussing the estrangements between former lovers in my blog. People break up all the time and the breakups often result in estrangement. We are not surprised when the ties between people not related by blood break. Often the formerly passionate lovers decide that their previous partner is not worth the time of day. But people related by blood, their relationships tend to withstand all kinds of annoyances, quirks, weirdnesses, bad behavior, and abuse much more so than the relationships which began as a romance or a friendship. I haven't seen any studies on this but that is my observation of folk in general.

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Going back to 1965, a history: Part 1 of 4

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Mother's Day - Thoughts & Feelings

I feel like the thousand pound gorilla is in the room. The gorilla called "Mother's Day"!

Twelve years ago my thoughts on Mother's Day were along the lines of not wanting to make the day be all about me or to make Robin or anyone feel obligated to make the day a big one or make Robin or anyone feel guilt or anything negative about that day. Prior to her father and I separating in 1984 Mother's Day was usually about my MIL who expected to be taken out to dinner. No one questioned that. It was just done. I would buy my mother a present and make time to see her or at least call.

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Mother's Day - Thoughts & Feelings

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More Links For Parents

  1.  A Gift for my Daughter By Harry Browne, a Libertarian Party candidate in years past.
  2. Daughter Therapy Interesting online article on unexpected results of therapy.  
  3. When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us: Letting Go of Their Problems, ... Book by Jane Adams
  4. Articles on Recovery from Grief Written by co-authors of The Grief Recovery Handbook 

Book by Linda Carroll, mother of Courtney Love

Seattle Weekly: Article: Courtney's Family Curse by Tim Appelo: Estranged from her daughter Courtney Love, Linda Carroll went on a journey to find her own mother and wrote a book: Her Mother's Daughter: A Memoir of the Mother I Never Knew and of My Daughter, Courtney Love

With much thanks to my friend, M,  for sending me the link.


What it's like the rest of the time ...

I lead an ordinary sort of life. Most of the time I am a happy camper. Not literally a happy camper. Just a reasonably happy sort of person who occasionally has had bouts of clinical depression. The clinical depression hasn't returned since I received treatment for Graves' Disease. Maybe my thyroid was doing a number on me for years?

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What it's like the rest of the time ...

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What it's like ...

One day you wake up angry and in tears because you realize that someone whom you love thinks that you are a bank robber. Someone whom you thought knew you believes that you are a bank robber and they want nothing more to do with you. There is nothing that you can do about this. They are convinced. They are self righteous. They believe what they believe. They don't love you. They tell you and others repeatedly how they don't love you and how awful you are because you are a bank robber.

You have never robbed a bank and you never would rob a bank.

That is kind of what it is like. Just substitute the words "a bank robber" with the words "lying, controlling, abusive, and not a nice person". And substitute "someone" with the words "your child".

I will no longer spend time defending myself. We all make our choices. She has a right to her choice and she can believe whatever she wants to believe.

I have a lot to be grateful for in my life. Things might have been different but everyone has their personal tragedies and we all go on.

Ginny