I wrote the following two years ago in a longer post on Christmas Day 2004 . I posted it last year on the Estrangements blog. I can't improve on it. So here it is once more:
In honor of the upcoming Father's Day and in keeping with the theme of this blog and the estrangements.com website, here are links to recent mentions of fathers and estrangements in blogs:
If you've never visited Postsecret, it is a blog which posts the secrets sent in on homemade postcards online every Sunday. There is also a book of Postsecrets and there have been a few art exhibits of some of the cards. This week's offering of cards on Postsecrets is on the theme of motherhood. Some are VERY sad, some lovely, some painful. If you want to see the Mothers' Day offering, visit the site before Sunday, May 21, because then it will change and the postsecrets on mothers will be replaced by another group of postsecrets.
I feel like the thousand pound gorilla is in the room. The gorilla called "Mother's Day"!
Twelve years ago my thoughts on Mother's Day were along the lines of not wanting to make the day be all about me or to make Robin or anyone feel obligated to make the day a big one or make Robin or anyone feel guilt or anything negative about that day. Prior to her father and I separating in 1984 Mother's Day was usually about my MIL who expected to be taken out to dinner. No one questioned that. It was just done. I would buy my mother a present and make time to see her or at least call.
May your estrangements be few and short,
May your friendships be deep and longlasting,
And the estrangements that you have ...
may they bring you more peace than pain.
Happy New Year!
Today started with a poppyseed bagel and goat cheese with peppercorns. The goat cheese is made locally by a man who has goats. Of course! We bought the cheese in a small cheese shop that I love. The proprietor is a cheese aficianado. He sells cheese the way wine sellers sell fine wines. He is knowledgeable and friendly. Most any cheese in the shop that can be sliced is available for tasting. He recommends cheeses and describes how they taste. I don't drink wine but I love cheese.
Once upon a time ...
In practically a previous lifetime I spent 17 Christmas Eves at the home of my ex-husband's parents. From 1966 to 1983. At the last one I already knew I wanted to end my marriage but thought it was too cruel to say so in December of the year. Since then I've learned that most people who decide to leave don't let December control what they're going to say and do. In 1983 I still had a lot to learn.
Here are the results of this Technorati search today. I did a search using the keywords Christmas and estranged. After I selected ten, Technorati pooped out on me so couldn't look at more right now. But this is sufficient. The results relate to all kinds of estrangements: with parents, husbands, sisters, friends and some are just peripherally about estrangement.
I wrote the following last year in a longer post on(Christmas Day 2004) .
About Christmas .... it seems almost inappropriate to wish those who come here looking for answers a Merry Christmas. If you have come here to find a way to resolve an estrangement and you're miserable over being estranged, then the last thing I'd think you'd want to hear is a greeting of Merry Christmas when you are feeling the least merry that you've ever felt. Christmas may have been torture. The entire season may have been just one hell of a day after another. Been there, done that too. A good grim "bah humbug" might be something you'd rather hear.
So ... rather than wish you a Merry Christmas ... I will offer you a Get Well card. I hope that you do Get Well and someday find yourself able to enjoy the greeting of Merry Christmas again. I wish you the ability to smile. to get up in the morning with no tears, the freedom to spend most of a day thinking of whatever you'd like to think about rather than this misery of being estranged, the joy of being able to appreciate the sun, good friends, the fact that you're alive. I wish you the miracle of waking some day and later thinking with surprise about how you didn't wake up thinking about your estrangement and you can't remember how long it has been since you thought about being estranged. I wish you relief from your pain, healing from your loss, and the ability to feel joy once again.
No, I don't have the answer that you may have come here to find but I promise you that there is healing whether you find the answer or not. Eventually. It takes time. Have faith and hang in there!
If you only read one of these, make it the first one.
By far my favorite: Thanksgiving tough questions
One of my favorite online writers is Steve Huff. He usually writes about crime stories that interest him and chooses stories to write about that I'd never hear of otherwise. This will sound strange but he has superb taste in crime and good instincts for what motivates people.
This last week the question crossed my mind of how many people would murder a relative on Thanksgiving Day. Does anyone keep track of these things? No one probably but with all the stresses that occur when some families get together, undoubtedly there have to be a fair number of murders that happen during the holidays and even more that only happen in the minds of the would be perpetrators.
Then I read Steve Huff's crime du jour which was not only about a crime but also about love, family, relationships and the stupid tragic things that people do. Coincidentally, the subject was about a Thanksgiving Day family murder.
Note: Steve Huff's Darkside blog where I read the story above no longer exists and the link that I originally had provided to the post mentioned above is no longer good so I deleted the link. But, if you want to visit Steve Huff's current writings, he has a blog now at Crimeblog.us
Got a little time on your hands and want to do some reading? Some of the blogs I found are very cool. These are the most interesting of the results I found on doing a Technorati search of blogs that include the words Estranged and Thanksgiving. Results are from the last eight days worth of blogs.
5. Man gets year in prison for scattering nude picsThursday, November 24, 2005 By RUSS FLANAGANThe Express-Times (Scroll down for article.)
9. Thanks a lot
11. And Fuck the Turkey You Rode in On Other profane posts on the topic of our American Thanksgiving exist if you want to look around for them on his blog.
15. Pieces of April
16. I Want My Mommy
19. Search on Technorati search for blogs with the keywords estranged and Thanksgiving This one is if you want to do your own search on Technorati for recent blogs with the words estranged and Thanksgiving. The results should change as the date gets further from Nov. 24.
In the recent communications from my daughter I learned that all gifts, flowers, and cards sent to her in the last 10 years by myself or my mother had been put in the trash. I don't know what my mother sent to her. I hadn't sent much as I thought there was a good chance that the trash would be the place she'd put it. Unfortunately, there was one thing that is really a shame that it went into the trash.
When I stopped in a drugstore the other day to look at greeting cards, I saw some new categories of cards I hadn't seen before. There was a category of cards that was titled something like: Cards for Troubled Relationships. And then there was a category similarly titled but a separate category called something like When Times are Difficult.
The cards in these categories were geared towards
those who were having problems in romantic relationships. They sounded like the kinds of cards that people would send each other when a breakup is imminent. Or when one person had been an insensitive jerk and was able to admit it. Or when someone had been under a lot of stress and hadn't been able to be much fun for quite a while.
I didn't see cards for other relationships that could be included in these categories. Like for estranged parents and grown kids or siblings or friends. I thought if they were going to have a category of cards for Difficult Relationships that there needed to be cards that were suitable for these other kinds of relationships too.
It might look like this:
Works for me! :-)